YOU shall do as Serpentor commands! Present your plan to destroy GI JOE! THIS I COMMAND!

ARMIES OF THE NIGHT
EVIL TAKING FLIGHT

COBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Add cocaine to their cafeteria meals

Have you tried turning them into robots, m8?

Why don't we just buy nukes with the money we have instead of endless snake themed novelty vehicles?

I will seduce and knock up Cover Girl

what if Serpentor went to Hell

He teams up with his DNA donors to fight demons and escape?

What if we replaced all their sock with really itchy woolen socks...?
I don't know either, I just don't want this awesome thread to die.

Who wins in a fight, Serpentor or King Hiss?

PITCH THIS IMMEDIATELY! THIS I COMMAND!

EWWW GROSS

YOU EVIL SON OF A BITCH! But thank you

ME!

COBRA!!!

NO! THE CRACK IS MINE!! THIS I COMMAND!

BRILLIANT IDEA!

…excuse me? What did you just say?!

Something gay!

Here me out. What if we kill them. With Kindness.

…go on.

You know! Like you and Cobra Commander!

N-no! I clearly have a girlfriend! SHE IS A SNAKE WOMAN WHO MATCHES MY FREAK!

S-she goes to another civilization you don’t know her.

Okay hear me out: we have Zartan impersonate Duke and/or General Hawk and have them do a press junket where they announce G.I. Joe is going to Israel to fight against Palestine. Someone who can make holograms can make a hologram of all of the G.I. Joes wearing Stars of David and waving Israeli flags chanting in Yiddish that they stand with Israel.

And if we don't have someone who can make holograms we'll go steal it from Jem. We can send the twins to do it.

Public backlash against G.I. Joe will see them disbanded, or the hugely pro-Israel US government will see it and be so hugely behind the idea that G.I. Joe actually will get sent to Israel to take part in war crimes against Palestine!

Either way they're taken care of and COBRA! triumphs!

Also, uh, Serpentor . . . could you order Zarana to go out on a date with me and let me get to at least second base?

shoot them with guns

BRILLIANT! PROMOTION!

I am not issuing a statement on the Israeli-Palestine conflict!

BUT YOU WILL DATE ZARANA AT A RESTAURANT OF *MY* CHOOSING! OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE! THIS I COMMAND!

Outback? YOU TWISTED ASSHOLE!

9/11 taught us America's Achilles heel is their commercial flights. We should smuggle snakes and release them in their planes.

They also rely heavily on Silicon Valley, but we have the software side on lockdown. Someone's spamming Anon Babble with Cynthia Seviper vore copypasta as we speak.

SNAKES ON A PLANE?!

AND WHAT IS VORE?!

WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT, ANON?!

Thank you great Serpentor!

Also I destroyed all copies of those tapes of you and Cobra Commander like you ordered.

Dude shut up don't ruin this for me!

Thank you I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HAHAHAHAHAHA

seriously, good luck, man.

YOU DARE?!

Did you ever poke yourself with those snake teeth?

All the time. Costuming is trying to fix it but nothing seems to work. I was gonna fire the guys but where can I find someone better?

(forgot pic)

More like GI Joe Mama! OOOOOOOH

What if we use one of our shell companies to fix failing infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc.) around a major American city for so cheap the local government can't refuse. But, we set up our own toll system that forces anyone coming or going to pay outrageous fees, plus a top of the line Cobra security system to defend against anyone who tries to get past it. The city will effectively be walled off from the rest of the country, leaving us free to ransom it or turn it into one giant base of operations for Cobra.

BRILLIANT!

Too brilliant.

Wait, are you a spy for GI Joe?!

AHAHHAHAHAHAA SEND THAT TO THEM THEY WILL BE SO OWNED THEY WILL SURRENDER! THIS I COMMAND!

I'm gonna fingerbang Teresa!

You know. Just small gestures at first. Hold the door for them. Help out around the office. That kind of thing. Ask them how there day was. Sometimes people just want an ear.

russia ukraine war imediatly starts winding down

why would this happen, there's only 140 million russians total, a million are known to have straight up left to avoid being dragged into the war (and that's just what russia is prepared to admit to), there's literally 10 million more russian women than men (because russian men never live very long because of the alcoholism and massive corruption, so every "male" job is dangerous) and to be honest, given the disparity between male and female births it seems like russians probably practice baby killing too because they're off by like 600k just on the under 15s which is way more than what you'd expect from genetics in a population of that size and variance

a little over 1/3 or 47 million are over 65 or under 15, the actual fighting age and fighting fitness (given that russia doesn't send women to fight) from like 18 to 30 is at most 8 million and given most of those people are actually doing real jobs that the economy needs to keep it going, you can't just scoop them all up as conscripts (although legally in russia conscripts aren't allowed to be deployed for fighting and are reserved for defensive actions only, for whatever that's worth)

putin has said this week that russia needs immigrants or its economy will collapse

he's literally spent half a million russian lives on capturing some fields since 2022 not to mention lost an entire fleet to drones and is now visibly deploying 50+ year old tanks that can be taken out with a fucking 50 cal, plus he's got to pay all the veterans plus he's got to find 35000 new fuckwits a month to support his casualty rate which is mostly capturing open fields

he'll be lucky if he makes it to 2026 alive the way things are going domestically, the open window beckons for putin

hamas asks for a 2 state solution

according to Qatar who were managing those negotiations Hamas were insincere and in any case no longer functionally control any part of Gaza; they are extinct

Ha ha ha! Yes, I don't know either! It must have been a post-hypnotic suggestion from Dr. Mind-Bender who made say it, as a prank!

Okay, who the hell is Kobra and why we're getting sued by them AND HYDRA?

I never watched GIJOE and I thought this was the Conan's Cartoon villain