Chasm: Curse of Kaine #4 Snorytime of Boredom

Didn't see anyone storytime this issue and decided to do it myself because if I had to read through this slog then so do the rest of you.

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Wooo! Can't wait to read a whole lot of nothing!

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I'll give you a pitybump even though I'm not gonna read this.
I mean, who would?

Kaine my beloved. You're the best part of this stupid fucking book buddy

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Don't blame you quite frankly, but I appreciate it nonetheless anon.

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Yeah sure Ben, run off and try to fight the big bad eternal who can and has fucked with your mind and leave your brother to his own devices like a complete idiot. Why not?

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Another positive of this book is that at least the art is nice.

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Why is Chasm consistently portrayed as a fucking idiot? Like if you were serious about making him the new evil Spider-Man (as stupid as that idea is) why not at least treat him more seriously and make him actually competent.

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This would be almost sweet if it weren't for the fact that people were dying around them and they're doing literally nothing to help

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...Jesus Christ this book is so forgettable I literally forgot that Mole Man was even in it.

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Ben is potentially a furry and a scaly

Still not the worst thing they've done with him since his resurrection.

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Oh look, it's Druig! The most boring and forgettable villain I've read in a comic! How're you doing buddy?

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Hey Ben, what was that you were saying earlier about no one getting in your head again because you have Janine in your heart? Yeah so much for that you fucking idiot.

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bump
Why does Lowe insist on Ben as Chasm even though neither writers or fans care?

And here comes our obligatory fight between brothers! Who'll win? Who cares! We all still lose. That's the Spider-Office motto everybody.

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Okay I won't lie, even though I hate pretty much everything else about Chasm...I still kind of find his powerset cool.
It's especially baffling because this book sold terribly. It's either spite or stubbornness at this point.

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Which would officially be the stupidest way I've ever died.

Kek. Never change Kaine.

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This is the best part of an otherwise boring issue. Kaine choosing not to take the easy way route and kill Ben and instead actually saves him. I just wish it was in a better book that actually went somewhere.

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Welp you lost buddy. Can you please fall into some fucking cavern in the middle of nowhere and die and never come back?

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Is this the first time Ben and Kaine have like, hugged? Because it's admittedly sweet and I also wish it were in a better book.

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Annnnnnnd potentially cool Ben and Kaine tag-team fight averted. Joy. At least Janine is hot

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And our heroes(?) go their separate ways.

Not sure we could survive another get-together

Could this be Foxe not-so-subtly saying that he's surprised that editorial didn't have him kill one of them off at the end of this lmao

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Kaine, hopefully you'll be in a better book next time. Maybe you can keep Vermin as a pet for Aracely when you finally decide to stop being a fucking deadbeat and see her again. What was your "curse" supposed to be again by the way?

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"Whatever the #$%& we want"

And if ASM #60 is any indication, that would be...trying to steal Peter's life again! Yaaaaay...

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Hey Lowe! Maybe next time instead of printing this worthless shit you should print all the angry letters, tweets, and hate mail you've gotten over the years. That would probably be more entertaining to read than this shit.

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Yeah, no fucking thank you. I'm good.
Anyways that's the end folks. Hopefully my commentary made this slightly more enjoyable.
Support your LCS by buying literally anything else.

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I'd say I'm glad it's over, but it isn't over really.

Well good news is that Yost is writing comics for Marvel again and has expressed interest in writing Kaine again. II could see this as a potentially funny fucked up family dynamic with Kaine, Aracely and Vermin... though it's unlikely because it'll be popular and Lowe will try and kill them off because we're not allowed to have good things when's around

referenced Yost's New Warriors that got shut down

Well, it's something at least.

It's never gonna be over as long as Lowe has anything to say about it sadly.

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So nothing happened and Ben and Kaine never got a moment to talk despite the fact that Kaine would have ALL of the memories that Ben wants to rebuild his own life. Fuck man who was this comic for? Was this just for wells and Lowe to stamp in that nothing good will ever happen in 616 ever again?

Kaine must be losing his mind because not was Druig not present in new warriors the Eternals whooped the NW's ass quite easily.

The series is pointless and Foxe is a bad writer.

Foxe also thought that Kaine would just abandon Aracely. Clearly he just saw a wiki snippet that said the New Warriors fought the Eternals and a.) thought that Druig was there and b.) they won.

I thought Kaine didn't have peters memories?

I mean he did abandon aracely. He never sought her out after he came back from dying in spider-verse. He came back to kill Ben as jackal and then followed him to Vegas

Gamera headed Godzilla is pretty neat

Isn't Vermin strong enough to beat Spider-Man? How the fuck did random assholes manage to subdue him?

Maybe the cloning process had diminishing returns.

I genuinely don't know what the point of this mini was. This page made me worry that they were going to have Janine turn her back on Ben to become an anti-hero and explain why he's back to obsessing over Peter's memories, but that didn't happen. Druig seemed like he was there simply because Foxe likes him, and his "defeat" is anticlimactic as fuck. Was it to reintroduce Kaine after he spent half a decade in limbo (not the actual place...I feel the need to specify that after Dark Web)? Did it start as an attempt to push Chasm as an anti-hero before the decision was made to keep him as a villain? Is it just another example of nothing ever happening in a comic edited by Nick Lowe?

It was a waste of time, my friend. That's what it was.

Man, it gets old complaining all the time, but what the hell is this. Their voices have somehow degenerated further. Kaine just quipped.